Your Facebook STILL Sucks

A few weeks ago I took a look at the various personalities that permeate the Facebook realm. And since I can't leave well enough alone (not to mention Charlie Sheen didn't pick me as his intern, so no more free pub for you, Carlos!), I've decided to tarnish any genuine qualities the original post had by rehashing the idea to include a few of the Facebook dwellers I overlooked.

The Greatest Thing I'll Never Use

If there's one thing I believe in, it's the existence of highly evolved life on other planets. If there are two things I believe in, it's the existence of highly evolved life on other planets and my right to ridicule those I deem ridiculable. For the record, there are numerous things in which I believe, otherwise this blog would be nothing more than my mocking aliens from my lofty perch upon Mother Earth.

I Think I'm Turning Japanese (I Really Think So)

A guy walks into a bar in Japan. Except the bar doesn't exist anymore because THERE WAS A GIANT FUCKING EARTHQUAKE LAST WEEK.

So everyone knows what happened. Or, I guess, what's continuing to happen. Because it seems like every day there's a new report of more earthquakes, bodies washing up on shores and potential nuclear meltdown. Worst of all, we're constantly being inundated with people's worthless fucking opinions about all of this. And what we need now is the opinion of just one more asshole. That's where I come in.